Divorce, Custody and Borderline Personality Disorder :: Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog

The force of empirical evidence is overwhelming not only in the testing procedures, a.k.a. MMPI-II testing, but in the actions of parents that alienate children, make false allegations of abuse, and are reciprocal perpetrators of domestic violence.  Borderline Personality Disorder, with Histrionic Personality Disorder types are classic Parental Alienators.

Divorce, Custody and Borderline Personality Disorder

I have spent a good part of my legal career working in the area of divorce and custody in the context of a parent with suspected or diagnosed BPD and NPD traits. Borderline personalities in divorce cases make for higher conflict cases, and when the cases involve the custody of children, many times there are elements of domestic violence, false allegations of domestic violence or sexual abuse, distortion campaigns, and parental alienation. I was fortunate to write the foreword to, and help edit, Bill Eddy’s landmark book on divorcing a borderline or narcissist, Splitting.

Today I saw a reference to a recent Time Magazine article on BPD. “The Mystery of Borderline Personality Disorder,” by John Cloud.

“A 2008 study of nearly 35,000 adults in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that 5.9% — which would translate into 18 million Americans — had been given a BPD diagnosis. As recently as 2000, the American Psychiatric Association believed that only 2% had BPD. (In contrast, clinicians diagnose bipolar disorder and schizophrenia in about 1% of the population.) BPD has long been regarded as an illness disproportionately affecting women, but the latest research shows no difference in prevalence rates for men and women. Regardless of gender, people in their 20s are at higher risk for BPD than those older or younger.

What defines borderline personality disorder — and makes it so explosive — is the sufferers’ inability to calibrate their feelings and behavior. When faced with an event that makes them depressed or angry, they often become inconsolable or enraged. Such problems may be exacerbated by impulsive behaviors: overeating or substance abuse; suicide attempts; intentional self-injury.”

What concerns me most in cases involving personality disorders is the high likelihood of levels of parental alienation by the disordered parent, along with false allegations made by the disordered parent to harm the other parent’s custody case. If you are in a divorce with BPD or NPD, or contemplating a divorce from a disordered spouse, please contact my office to arrange an initial consultation.

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Divorce, Custody and Borderline Personality Disorder :: Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog.

Parental Alienation – Child Abuse by Parent with Personality Disorders

Parental alienation involves the systematic and frequently repeated denigration of one parent by the other and blocking of access to the parent who is the target of denigration. This is not just a simple and occasional comment such as “mommy can be so annoying sometimes” or “it is frustrating that daddy doesn’t keep his schedule”. While those comments are inappropriate in front of children as they tend to make children anxious and feel like they might have to take sides, infrequent comments like these probably do not constitute parental alienation.

In addition to making frequent denigrating remarks about the other parent in front of the children, alienating parents often also push their children to join in the alienation. They also often interfere in custody exchanges and visitations, frequently in violation of court orders, because they do not want the children to spend time with the other parent.

Parental alienation is a form of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse against children. Alienating parents are child abusers.

The term “Parental Alienation Syndome” (PAS) refers to a hotly-debated psychological syndrome in which the alienating parent manages to suck the child or children into playing along with the alienation. In such cases, the children will join in making denigrating comments about the target parent, refuse to spend time with the target parent, and even attempt to directly harm the target parent and his or her property. Whether this is a real syndrome or not is for some reason a vigorously debated question.

The debate about “Parental Alienation Syndrome” being real seems to stem mostly from parties who refuse to accept that women and mothers are also prone to child abuse and will intentionally use false accusations against men and fathers. It is not uncommon for alienating parents to falsely accuse the target parent of child abuse. They use this as a tactic to gain more allies to rally against the target parent and to block access of the target parent to the children. This thinking process may be due to parents, often females, feeling threatened by the increasing practice of split custody of children between parents and refusal to accept such split custody.

Alienating parents will often attempt to gain or retain 100% custody by vilifying the target parent. The excuse often used for this is that the target parent is a child abuser. In many cases, perhaps even most, this assertion is false. Even if they are not entirely false, they may be so disproportionate that they are distortions that do not represent reality. For instance, many parents will yell or grab at a child for misbehaving in a dangerous or aggressive fashion, particularly if the behavior is putting themselves and others in harms way. An alienating parent may take such appropriate yelling or grabbing and twist them into claims the target parent is beating the children and is a child abuser. In many ways, this is very much like the “distortion campaign” practiced by many victims of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). So it should come as no surprise that parents who suffer from BPD are also prone to demonstrate parental alienation behaviors.

Although not all alienating parents are mentally ill, there seems to be a common pattern of parental alienation practiced by many parents who suffer from personality disorders, especially the DSM-IV Axis II Cluster B personality disorders. There are many educated assessments and studies that indicate a significant connection between child abuse and how abused children develop mental illnesses which may continue on into adulthood and result in the abused children becoming child abusers themselves. The bottom line is that if you are alienating your children against their other parent, you are psychologically and emotionally abusing your children. You must stop your alienating activities and learn to show your children that they can love their other parent and you will support this. This doesn’t require you to love your ex, but it does require you to not spout hatred against your ex in front of your children. Further, making positive comments about your ex in front of the children goes a long way towards avoiding parental alienation, even if you occasionally slip and make a denigrating comment.

Related Posts:
MMPI-2 Can Reveal Parental Alienators
The Gregory Mantell Show: Parental Aliention Syndrome
Throwaway Parents
Richard Smulczewski Parental Alienation Case
Jayne Major: Common Questions About Parental Alienation
Alec Baldwin on Parental Alienation Syndrome
Dr Phil: “Brainwashed by My Parents” and UK Parental Alienation Syndrome Video
Kids’ Parental Alienation Book: I Don’t Want to Choose!
Parental Alienation Awareness Day on April 25, 2009
Loads of Info on Parental Alienation
False Sexual Abuse Allegations in Child Custody Disputes
Minnesota Reviews Child Custody Laws
BPD Distortion Campaigns
The Family Terrorist
Mothers More Likely to Abuse Children than Fathers

Websites:
Wikipedia: Parental Alienation
Parental Alienation & Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parents Against Parental Alienation (support group in Massachusetts)

Consulting Services:
Dr. J. Michael Bone

The original for this article can be found here: http://angiemedia.com/?page_id=72