Parental Alienation and The Marvels of Facebook

In Alienation of Affection, Best Interest of the Child, Child Custody, Child Support, Children and Domestic Violence, children's behaviour, Childrens Rights, Civil Rights, Divorce, Domestic Relations, Domestic Violence, Family Court Reform, Family Rights, Feminism, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, Liberty, Marriage, Non-custodial fathers, parental alienation, Parental Alienation Syndrome, Parental Kidnapping, Parental Relocation, parental rights, Parentectomy, Parents rights, Sociopath on August 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm


The marvels of Facebook

It’s been more than 2 years now since I last saw my daughter, — not even a picture of her! She is now 9-years old, but I have no idea how tall she is or what she looks like. This complicates matters when I want to send her clothing as a gift.

In December 2007 when the gruelling legal processes of custody, care and access, finally came to an end, and the Judge ordered that my child may be removed from South Africa to live in Australia, I found comfort in the fact that modern technology such as E-mail, Facebook, and Skype, would abridge the distance between us.  But sadly, this has not happened, — despite the stipulations contained in a legal Court Order!

The mother of my child has remained uncooperative, dishonest, and just plain evil in her malicious attempts to alienate my daughter from me and my relatives living in South Africa. In the past, her treachery was difficult to verify with solid evidence, but things have changed somewhat! Enter —- the popular social utility called, “Facebook”. Not only has this utility made it easy for the average person to find anyone who has a face and a name, it has also opened up new possibilities and methods for detective work, — or to put it more precisely, to discover whether someone is being deceitful, or not.

The mother’s excuses that she did not have access to a computer or email at their new home in Australia was delivered to me by the ex-mother-in-law about 6 months after her daughter left the country. Another 6 months flew by and the same excuse was delivered. Two years later the excuse for not sending me any photographs via email was, according to feedback from the ex-mother-in-law, because the computer in Australia was giving constant problems. Do these people really think that I am a total moron – or what?

The mother of my child had hardly left the country when she registered her profile on Facebook. One of the first people she connected with was her first husband (now living in the UK), who happened to be on my “friend list”. The mother’s face (my ex-wife) popped up under her maiden name as a “friend suggestion” — and that’s basically how I came to learn about her presence on the internet. I didn’t even have to search for her, — her face basically dropped into my lap – so to speak!

It didn’t take me long to figure out that the mother of my estranged child, and the man she is living with in Australia, are both very active on Facebook. Both however, have ignored my requests to be a Facebook friend. In fact, I suspect that my daughter’s new daddy has blocked me, because all traces of the man have disappeared from the social network site. This sudden disappearance occurred moments after I sent him a courteous message asking him to forward some recent pictures of my daughter.

The privacy settings on Facebook allows you to choose what information is available to outsiders when they search your name. It so happens that my ex-wife has allowed access to her profile picture as well as her “friend list”. It was the growing number of friends on her list, from zero to 30 in a matter of a few months, that made me realize that the woman was an active user of Facebook, and that her many excuses, delivered via the ex-mother-in-law, were all blatant lies. The woman had also allowed the “Send Message” link on her public profile, — so every odd now and then I would send her a message requesting some news about OUR child, —- but the silence from her end has been deafening! For fear that she may also block me, my messages have not been too frequent – about once every third month.

About 3 weeks ago I made my customary weekend call to my daughter in Australia. Usually one of the other kids in the household would answer the phone and then call my little Angel to speak to me. This time however, the phone was answered by Her Majesty – Drama Queen herself. This was the first time I’ve actually spoken to the ex since she left the South African court room in December 2007. I was anticipating the usual cold-and-conceited treatment from Her Majesty, but instead — I received a rather unauthentic, “Hello – how are you keeping?” I approached the woman with extreme caution, almost in a similar fashion one would approach a venomous snake lying in the path to your only way out of more imminent danger. You don’t want to kill the thing but you don’t want to tread on it either, — if you catch my drift!

With the knowledge of her Facebook activities quite fresh in my mind, it took a great deal of willpower not to explode when I was again given the same old excuse that the home computer in Australia had been broken for years, —  hence the reason why she hasn’t sent any pictures of my child. The suburb she lives in apparently does not have, what we call here in SA, — Internet Cafés. Neither do any of her friends in the area have computers. Can you believe that? It’s no wonder there are so many “dumb blonde” jokes floating about!

A few words on privacy…
I have gone to great lengths on this blog as well as my parent blog Tia Mysoa, not to reveal my true name or the names of persons involved in the BorderlineAttack saga. Although there will no-doubtly be people (close friends and relatives) who know the true identity of the writer behind these postings, — and maybe a few others who are techno-savvy,  I would prefer to keep a low profile while sharing my personal feelings and thoughts with the entire world. Also, — One day my little girl will grow up and start wondering what happened to her father, — why wasn’t he part of her life?

She will start searching for the truth, and will possible Google my name to see what pops up. I do not want her to be associated with my emotional pain and suffering. I do not want her to ever feel guilty for being born into a marriage that didn’t work out, or to feel hatred towards her mother for keeping us apart. And that concludes my words on privacy.

borderlineATTACK: The marvels of Facebook.

  1. Amazing isn’t it that a parent would go so far to destroy inherent rights of another and one so young as a child? Little wonder violence is so much sought after on the television screen. Little wonder we sit by while the planet is raped and plundered for its nature.

    I am in a similar situation. I found my daughter on Facebook. But since she is of age now, nearly 23, I felt that she should not have placed me onto it (which she did for a moment), especially after I saw in that moment who were her considered friends, e.g. many of her diabolical mother’s relatives. In fact I wrote to her separately after I learned of her e mail address form the Facebook screen telling her it would be better for her to remove me. I don’t know why she did; she never told me.

    Time has passed and she is as yet remains in her own confusion and other feelings about the past eighteen years that I was cut off from her completely- yet she was right here in the same city as me.

    I support you in your courage to continue to see that right is restored.

  2. […] mkg4583 wrote an interesting post today onParental Alienation and The Marvels of <b>Facebook</b> « Parental RightsHere’s a quick excerpt […]

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